I’m a simple, but at times difficult individual (who isn’t. Amiright?) I’m stubborn by nature, truly passionate about the things and people I love and those who show that love in return. I am an ambivert (this is a good article on that), but my hearing sucks… no seriously. I have tinnitus (hearing ringing/buzzing in your ears) and some hearing loss. This condition has made it appear that I’m really shy, which I can be sometimes, but it shadows over my personality. I like to talk in deep, meaningful conversations and, sometimes small talk… depends on the person I’m engaging with.
I still have yet to get a sufficient diagnosis. I have been trying to get a hearing aid(s) since high school. I’ve been failing hearing test since middle school. With my hearing loss and condition, I have a hard time building and maintaining relationships mostly because people dislike repeating themselves and/or feel like I’m not paying attention to them and I miss out on a lot of information since I can’t hear. There are times I can’t hear what my son is trying to say to me. I mean his conversation skills aren’t perfect yet, but it hurts me a bit that I have to be like, “what happened? what did you say?” It’s really frustrating. I do cherish the people that have been and still are patient with me. I don’t have a large group of friends and probably wouldn’t even if I did have stellar hearing since I’m a bit reserved.
I haven’t tried to do something about my hearing since high school because I did so many hearing tests, blood tests and a MRI and nothing came of it. I’m only now, after almost ten years, trying to get something done about this. I really feel this has made me miss out on opportunities that could have been beneficial to me or it simply stopped me from even trying because I was afraid of not being able to hear and thus being fired or something along those lines.
This Saturday, I finally received my hearing aids! I was beyond elated that I will be able to hear more clearly. The real test, however, is how well it will help me at work. Today is my first day wearing them at work. I’ve had to adjust the volume a few times due to the other noises going on in the office that were amplified over voices like the printer, paper shuffling, keys on the keyboard clacking, ect.
The experience is definitely something I need to get adjusted to. I love that I can work easier and hear more clearly. There’s so many sounds that don’t usually hear that I can now hear. I am a little shocked as I thought maybe it was just certain things were muffled, but there are sounds I could never hear from certain distances like hearing the microwave in the next room from my desk… I was able to hear when my food was finished warming up. I missed so many details from the conversations my co-worker and manager would be having with me. I’m glad I was able to get hearing aids now so that I won’t be missing out any longer. I’ve only been here almost 2 months so, it’s okay, but what would happen if they recalled a conversation we had now months later and I “couldn’t remember” because I didn’t hear it?
This really puts things into perspective just how much I have missed out on. So, so much. It’s kind of sad, really. I may or may not have made friends if heard clearly months or even years ago. I may or may not have took part in experiences that could have gotten me farther than I am now…
There’s a lot of what if’s. I’m not going to let that stop me. I will go forward and continue to make stuff happen. It’s just a good idea to reflect on the past every once in a while. I hope doors will continue to open for me especially since I can be little more confident in myself. Not being able to hear has had an effect on my confidence. I have to build it back up.
So far so good. I can’t wait to update on this.